Your 12 Disciples; Where to start
Having worked in addiction and recovery, and spending time within the world of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) and Narcotics Anonymous (NA), I have learned about what is known as “step work.” This is often considered the holy grail of recovery—a structured programme designed to help individuals accept, forgive, and heal. It is an eye-opening yet challenging journey.
However, I believe the principles of the 12 steps extend beyond addiction. They can be applied to personal growth, mental health, and everyday life. These steps align with much of what I teach in my sessions. So, I wanted to summarise them in a way that I find useful, in the hope that they might help others too.
Your 12 Disciples: Use Them Wisely
1. Acceptance
Acceptance is the foundation of change. It begins with recognising who you are and where you stand. It involves understanding your ego and your “shadow”—the parts of yourself that hold you back, creating anxiety, fear, toxic relationships, and resistance to change.
Shadow work is an essential aspect of acceptance. It requires deep self-reflection, often forcing us to confront our faults. Humans instinctively look outward for blame rather than inward. Yet, the traits we criticise in others are often reflections of what we reject in ourselves.
Learning to shed light on these hidden parts of ourselves weakens their hold over us. With curiosity rather than judgment, we can begin to embrace self-acceptance and extend that same understanding to others.
Acceptance also means acknowledging that life is not always fair. If we start each day with an open mind and the understanding that setbacks will come, negativity loses its power over us. Resentment, anger, and bitterness cloud our judgment and limit our perspective. But true acceptance brings peace and healing—this is why it is at the heart of recovery, coaching, and therapy.
2. Hope
Hope is the belief that nothing in life is permanent—except change itself. It is about reclaiming power from external forces and placing it within yourself.
When you stop trying to control the uncontrollable and focus instead on your own growth, you realise that emotions are temporary, life is ever-evolving, and the only constant is you. This means your well-being is your responsibility.
Do not give others the power to dictate your choices or your destiny. Accept who you are, set clear intentions, and have faith that light will follow the darkness. The world operates in contrasts—day follows night, growth follows struggle. Trust in that process.
3. Faith
Faith does not have to mean religion. Many people in AA and NA struggle with this concept, believing that faith requires belief in a specific god. But faith can simply mean trust in the universe, in energy, in yourself.
We are made of atoms, driven by energy, and when we align ourselves with our purpose, the universe has a way of working with us. Faith is not about external validation; it is about trusting that your path will unfold as it should.
4. Courage
Courage is often mistaken for fearlessness, but true courage means facing your fears, embracing who you are, and refusing to compromise your identity to fit in.
Many of us suppress our needs to gain approval—whether from a partner, friends, or society. But in doing so, we reject ourselves. And what greater rejection is there than self-abandonment?
The cost of this suppression is high. When we deny our true selves, the energy has to escape somewhere—often manifesting in autoimmune conditions, anxiety, depression, addiction, or even suicide.
Courage means maintaining your values and beliefs, even when it is difficult. It means setting boundaries with yourself and others around you. But also the courage to know when you are wrong and your expectations are too much.
5. Honesty
Honesty has two sides: honesty with yourself and honesty with others. If you lie—whether through self-deception or deceit—you are rejecting a part of yourself.
Without authenticity, true happiness is impossible. If you seek meaningful relationships, you must be honest about who you are and what you need. How can you hold resentment toward others if you are not honest with yourself about your own needs?
6. Patience
Patience is one of the most underrated yet difficult skills to master. We often assume others think and feel the way we do, but in reality, no two people ever perceive the world in the same way.
Our perspectives are shaped by DNA, experiences, upbringing, and environment. Even siblings raised in the same household will interpret life differently.
Understanding this can help us develop patience, empathy, and acceptance. Instead of reacting impulsively, we can learn to pause, regulate our emotions, and allow others to move at their own pace.
7. Humility
Humility is essential for growth. If you find yourself stuck in repetitive cycles—whether in addiction, relationships, or self-destructive habits—it may be time to ask for help.
Acknowledging that your way is not working is not weakness—it is wisdom. Defensive thinking keeps us trapped in shame and prevents us from learning. When we let go of our ego and seek guidance, we open ourselves up to real transformation.
8. Willingness
Without humility, there can be no willingness to change. Without curiosity, there can be no growth.
True progress requires openness—being willing to listen, to see things from another perspective, to accept that someone else might have a better approach.
Willingness also means taking responsibility for past actions, making amends, and learning from mistakes. Only by doing so can we break toxic patterns and create new paths forward.
9. Brotherly Love
Let’s talk about dopamine! Humans are wired for connection. We thrive in communities, yet we live in an increasingly isolated and competitive society.
Science shows that doing good for others releases dopamine—the brain’s reward chemical. We are designed to support one another. Here’s a simple analogy:
If a room full of children searched for their own lost balloon, it would take far longer than if they helped each other.
When we engage in negative behaviours—addiction, selfishness, resentment—we often lose our sense of connection. Rebuilding relationships, seeking forgiveness, and fostering kindness help us regain that essential human bond.
10. Integrity
Integrity is the alignment of your words and actions.
Many people perceive themselves as moral, kind, or strong—but do their actions reflect those values? Writing down your core beliefs and checking whether you truly live by them is a powerful exercise.
When we act with integrity, we develop strong boundaries, resilience, and a true sense of self-worth.
11. Self-Discipline
Motivation is fleeting. Discipline is what carries you forward when motivation fades.
Many people admire those who succeed but fail to ask themselves: Am I willing to make the sacrifices needed to achieve this?
In recovery, discipline means awareness, self-control, and sacrifice. Without it, relapse—whether into addiction, toxic relationships, or destructive habits—is inevitable.
12. Service
Giving back is a powerful form of self-care. When we contribute to others, we strengthen our sense of purpose and self-worth.
Service teaches us respect, empathy, and boundaries. It reminds us that we are part of something bigger than ourselves. And in doing so, we receive as much as we give.